Choosing realities

Sharing some little thoughts with you.

Recently, some friends of mine have been asking me questions and somehow
these questions just crossed my mind and I feel like answering them here.

Why are you trying so hard??
These stuffs are IMPOSSIBLE

It sounds like one long question asked by one commoner with a chain of negativeness.
Well, can I share my answer with you?

There is no reason not to try hard when you are totally determined to accomplish one task
which has been handed over to you, no?
There is no point putting 60% effort and leave the other 40% to god right?
I don't believe solely on fate, I don't believe that we are controlled by something else.

Even if there really is fate,
I believe that if one has high perseverance and put in maximum effort,
they can even change FATE.
If you have zest and enthusiasm you attract zest and enthusiasm. Life does give back in kind.

One motto of mine in life, as well as Adidas' "Impossible is NOTHING".
I wouldn't take up the challenge if it is Impossible.
When I start doing one thing, I will do all I can to succeed.
Though many times my motivation might go downhill but I believe there will always be something else which can get me back on track.

Why do you want to risk it ???
There is not much time left.

Taking risk is what I do.
There will be no gain, no progress if we don't dare to take risk.
What makes the great people different from the rest is because they dare to risk,
no matter how risky it is.
like I mentioned in a million posts earlier, life is a poker game.
As long as I believe that I can do it so confidently, I can already win risk itself.

It sure bothers me how annoying those people were when they keep giving me negative response when I decided to take risk by doing something crazy, which I believe I can do it (and which it DID). How disappointed I am to see them not supporting me, but instead dragging me down.. I really have overestimated them. Thinking they can actually do better.

From the very beginning, I will not promise on things that I cannot fulfill. When I promise you, I will keep it to the very end till I can fulfill it. That, is Shaun's style. And that is also why I will actually sweat it out when someone wanted me to promise them somethings. I hate keeping too many promises, such burden.

Why are you so positive in everything you do???

I actually think this way, same as this guy ;)

the reason I practice positivity is because there is no reason not to.

this life is literally exactly what you make it.

you can look up, or you can look down.

i choose to always looks up.

i smile instead of frown.

if you put off positive energy;

then it will come back.

You just aren't being REALISTIC, you know??
Please be realistic



I am always being realistic to myself, always.
I am just choosing a different reality =)

Picture of the Day to end this :)

-Ys-
Time has been ticking mercilessly fast,
in just another 10 more weeks everything
will soon come to an end.

Hitler's Day

20th April - Today is Adolf Hitler's Birthday.

Supposedly this day will be one dangerous day for us students to stroll along the street when we are not 'whites'.. The day when skin-heads and mafias will randomly prey on their foreigner 'victims' to give them a good kick in the ass. The day when the condition might get so out of control till universities will give their foreign students holidays to stay away from harm.



Fortunately, or unfortunately, there will be no break for us in NNSMA since they claimed that this place is 'very safe' from those Hitler's 'loyal fans'.




On details about Adolf Hitler, you can go ahead and google it cause this guy is incredibly popular - just in case you got no idea who is it, the German leader who took away millions of lives in World War 2.

Happy Birthday, crazy dude :p

-I am posting up a big big portrait of you as a present-
have fun in hell yea

-Ys-

you are getting more and more unapproachable,
so it has come to an end?
what a fate. I accept it.

2AM

Life has been treating me great, considering how much I have gained and experienced for this 18 years plus. Despite of what I lost, I gained others in return. Being happy is all about thinking optimistic. Realizing that we have come to a dead end, there is always another opened door, though hidden from our sight. All we need is the initiative to find it, with a positive mind.


Letting the past be the past, as things will never change. Those were the dead ends which open up new paths to where I am now. I have come this far, with pure perseverance and determination, I will hold on tight so things will never go out of control like how it did so often during the past. Bad endings we did in the past seem to not change no matter how hard we try to rewind the clock, but it is possible to write a new story with a better ending, starting from now.


Moments, joy or tears, I shall learn to appreciate all of them.. to think about it, in the end, it's not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away, just like someone told me before. I just feel blessed when I flashback all those moments which took my breath away. That is the reason why humans are gifted with emotions.


Appreciation of moments, gratification upon reaching goals, step by step, being grateful to those who lend a helping hand, is what I am trying to learn. Though, as pathetic as it sounds, I lack every of it still although I already knew the theory. The true fact is, it is always easier to be said than done. I seem to be someone who can criticize every single person I know about their mistakes, but how come it is so difficult to realize my own?


At current state of inside desperation to seek the answers for questions, I wondered myself,
Why is it so difficult to accept others' affection? Why is it so difficult to be 'loved'? Why when someone who shows a lot of affection shows up, I tend to push him or her far far away? Beats me, I don't even know why.. is there something that happened long ago which I don't even know made me anti-affection? People who try to be closer to me always ending being hurt. I always feel that I am not ready to open up. Instead, I lived my own world.

Yes, true enough. Like what everyone knew about Yu Shaun, I have many friends from all walks of life, but considering them as true friends as I knew they always are, I still have that solitary feeling within me. What bothers me the most is I feel uneasy when somebody treats me too well. Moreover, I feel even more uneasy when a girl does that. Is it because, I have a feeling of not deserving to be treated in such way? or am I just love being alone? I have a guilt, I feel bad for treating those people who cared too much for me - badly, especially the girls.. I don't know why but I deeply, I'm sorry, I don't deserve those affections yet. Haha..why am I saying all these?? A very random confession indeed...but, yeah.



Those are the principles I am trying to hold on currently, eventhough I know that I failed to fulfill most of it. What I'll do is just improve bits by bits, no matter how long it will take.

Life in Russia has been taxing me a lot recently, tests and hometasks piling up like mountains that can never get any lesser. But, per aspera ad astra - no pain no gain!! All these will just be a stepping stone for me to see a bigger picture later on.

I have been wanting to reply all those pending messages my friends sent, but all I need is time, to think and reply with a positive mood. Even that, had been delayed for months and now I guess I will have a hard time replying all.. Haha, but I'll try my best =) nothing beats the spirit of 'believing'.

-Ys-
Inside me,
angel says: it's time to learn how to accept affection, time to 'love'.
devil says: Being alone is still the best way, I lived my very own world.

Fading

I have an epiphany, that I am losing you all one by one.
Initially, I thought this will never happen. But it seems like I am out of strength to stop it from happening, I hope that it is not gonna happen, but it doesn't change the fact that I really am out of reach from each of you. I can't catch up to every single soul which are so far from me.



I finally understand. It is smothering me to think about the reality. Thus, I chose to keep it in a treasure chest and let you have the key. I will be hiding the box deep within my heart, as though it's like a candle hidden deep within the cave, keeping the glare to the minimum..only when the closer we are, the brighter the candle will be seen.
Until the day you stand right in front of me, you will have the pleasure of opening the treasure chest. Then, everything will feel just like yesterday though much time had passed.

Tonight, at least, allow me to take a glimpse into the chest.

-Ys-

Climb

I kept falling, tumbling, trembling, and see no end for my fall, there is no ground below for me to hit on or bounce back up, but that is already far more than enough.. it's time to stop falling down, CLIMB!!



I've lost once, and I am not gonna lose another time. I shall give all I have when the next opportunity approaches.








ok..
Here's something stupid,

-Just for your entertainment :p-

"The idea for which this nation stands will not survive if the highest goal free man can set themselves is an amiable mediocrity.
Excellence implies striving for the highest standards in every phase of life. "
John W.Gardner

I know you miss me,
-Ys-

Is lack of motivation

Exam's near.. really near. Unlike my other friends who are sitting for the exam tomorrow, I will be having it later - Because this Winter Holidays I will not be leaving Russia. Sad but oh well, it had been decided and at least I'll be visiting Moscow eh? =)


Given the extra time to prepare, I am just short of one thing to proceed on - Motivation. I am short of the Force to push me forward.. am I starting to feel weary or what? Having a study leave sure bites me hard. Instead of studying, I have been thinking...and thinking a lot. It started off with a huge momentum at first but looks like I have lost the momentum and the pace had slow down.


Seriously, how much I wished that my mum is here nagging on me for not studying but blogging here!!! lol..


So, what's wrong with me now??
1st, I am still looking for that motivation.
2nd, I kinda start to feel lonely already, I had so many things stuck in my head, absolutely disastrous.. I doubt I can find anyone to share with. After all, it's not the Shaun's style to babble about his nonsense thoughts to others right?? ;) It's not good poisoning others' mind.






Current state of mind:
A weary knight. Who fought with a strong heart and bravery to protect his honor, his people and to fulfill his duty.. He gave everything he had to fight on the battlefield. Now, he starts to feel weary with his heavy armor burdening him, and feels suffocating in his helmet, which he finds that it is difficult for him to breathe inside. His sword and shield also became heavy.
Taking deep breath, he kneeled down, his head facing straight towards the ground, his sword piercing through the soil, and shielded himself in front.. How much he hoped that he could get rid of all these weight. But, there is something in him that made him strong, which is that strong heart that beats weakly inside him. He knew that he can't give up at this time.

All he needs now is the morale that make him stand up once again and face any blow that come straight into his way.
(P/s:It has only been 4 months and I am saying all these, I know you wanna give me a tight slap now =P)

-Ys-

2010

At last, my very first post for Year 2010 after M.I.A. for such a long time..

The mood of blogging just comes into me suddenly. It is not really because I am too busy with my life here, but the lack of inspiration made me stop blogging lately. Haha... but never mind that because here I am again, to share with all of you some of the things happening to me lately.


I realized that I actually paused blogging about my life here for a long time already, so I figured out that it is best for me to blog out a little, at least.


Since it is New Year and I missed a lot of wacky stories to tell after pulling myself off blogging world for quite some time, I shall skip all other special events for now such as Christmas celebration, Birthday Bash, Study Life, Love Life, Clubbings, Shoppings, Eating Outs, my New Year Resolutions etc for now. Instead, I will be sharing out pictures of NEW YEAR!! =)

Yeap, brand new hope, brand new resolution and brand new mood!




31st December 2009 - The Last Day of 2009


Basically, I have no exact plan for this special day. Instead, I just follow where the wind brings me to.

So, I was asked to go for ice-skating at a stadium situated at Bolshaya Pokrovskaya, well-known to us as 'Walking-Street".

Di mana ada byk restaurant...but quite pricey too.

Indeed a long and beautiful place to hang out.. although the feeling of this street is like Petaling Street I used to hang out a lot when I was in VI, this Petaling Street more high-class la of course =P

At one end of the Street stood this tree with a banner
read "Happy New Year 2010!"





And next stop - into the stadium!!

These are the people I skated with =) fyi, this is the VERY FIRST time I skated in Russia!! lol

Not forgetting a couple of Night View of Walking Street

Before heading back, we went to had dinner to fill ourselves up.

I managed to reached back at 7pm sharp -12am Malaysia time- and spam all Malaysia contacts I can find in MSN xD



10.30pm - I went out with a bunch of parkers to catch the view of beautiful fireworks of the city.

Those good people are the seniors and just 5 1st year students...lol.. well, it's because most of them already had their own programme. But I bet most of them are partying in 1st HOSTEL -.-

we went deep to the edge of the park..

1st January 2010 - Brand New Year

1am

After that, back we go to our respective hostels..... lol..but my story actually haven't end yet. I ditched my goups off and went for clubbing at 1st Hostel all thanks to SAM =.="

Sorry guys, camera out of battery so no photos taken at that crazy party. Free beverages were served and those people sure dance like crazy..LOL... didn't knew medical students can be so 'party-ing out'. Well, when I just set foot into the dance floor, I already saw one of my friend drunk, had to carry her all the way into Yunci's room.

Funny gal, she actually said this when she was drunk: "Shaun, you are a very good guy,but you put your target too high already.." And then she starts connecting me to other girls!! xDD so cute lah this girl...lmao!! Then back to the dance floor, shake shake, then back to Aaron's room for movies!! Anyway, I fell asleep duhh..



In the morning, we celebrated New Year the Cina's way!! hahax.. A bunch of seniors and I cooked lunch together. Thanks Aaron, Yunci, Ivon, Soo Yin, and err..did I missed out anymore seniors =X and fellow 1st year mates for the great feastf or the new year!! And countless Yumseng sessions followed on =)


3pm - went out Jalan-jalan Cari Makan again with Aaron, Sam, Belle, Siew Kheng, Karen at a brand new place I never been to before in Nizhny Novgorod, the lower part of Nizhny.

We visited a beautiful Turkish Cake shop for tea session. Great place to hang out too, nice environment, delicious delicacies! What else? We cracked lame and silly jokes till almost 7pm before going back... phew..what a long day..


Later on, Sam sure keeps me busy by staying overnight in my room, sharing the same bed as me..my bed, is a small single bed and expect to fit in 2 big guys =.= Anyway, he is still a good company and it was a good stay =) except that ppl start suspecting us gays -.-





Yawn~~ I think that is all for my New Year 2010 with a bunch of new faces =) And I am surely blessed to have a good one this year!!

-Ys-

Forgotten Melody

I've had another dream just now while I was napping. This time, it's quite funny and weird. I was at a place, it was late evening, I remember the sun sets and the sky turns dark.
I was with someone which I barely remember who, perhaps only both of us, or a group, I cannot recall.. we were on a boat ride, somewhere cold (maybe cause my room was cold..lmao) The surrounding temperature made me felt as though I was on a highland. We set sail for a long time along the river.. Talked, laughed, I don't know what happened but I sensed joy...happiness throughout the entire ride. After that, the boat anchored to the side of the river, which is made up of a row of large shiny black rocks and pebbles. Suddenly, weirdly..my dad held me out of the boat. He lifted me out of the boat with both of his hands holding tight on my waist. Is he that strong or I was actually dreaming that I was a child at that point? He held his huge hand tightly to mine.. Then he brought me along with with him..and I just followed clueless. At that time, the sky was turning dark as the sun sets, stars were getting much more visible. He brought me to climb a pile of rocks which are arranged into beautiful, steep stairs. Without a single effort, nor tiredness, I climbed to the top with him...there, I saw one of the most astonishing view by the cliff. Right at that moment, I knew that place was indeed a highland.
He led me to a huge wooden door, just like those castle door in the fairy tales stuck to the hill's wall. My dad, he didn't spoke a word, nor did I spoke any words myself along the whole journey. He pushed the gigantic door wide open and dragged me in. The inner world hidden beside the wooden door is a beautiful, classy and enormous, grand ballroom. Another weird thing is that I saw my own mum, standing on the huge stage, with yellow light of the beautiful chandeliers shining above her. What I can recall is, that place is just like any other castle in fairytale stories you heard of.. My dad loosen up his grip and stood next to mum. I was shocked to see mum looking elegant in her evening gown and even had make up on her. Not even once I seen my mum dressing up or making up that way before in my entire life in reality..haha..and Yes, she sang!! The clueless me just stood under the stage listening to my mum singing on stage. Her voice was miraculously fantastic..Truthfully, it doesn't really sounded like my mum, but it was really sweet and relaxing. The melody and voice was something I never heard of. I was speechlessly stunned by her melodious voice. While I was trying to open up my ears and catch the melodies, I saw people started dancing..another funny thing is I saw some unknown aunties executing some weird and funny dance moves as well!! I had no clue who they are..lol
I continued to try catch the wonderful melodies cause it really caught my attention...unfortunately, the next thing I knew is I was awake at 6.30pm.


The whole point of this dream is the melody..the music I heard...is extremely soothing. I tried so hard recalling how it sounded but...I can't seem to remember how it started like..not to mention the lyrics..What is this whole dream all about? It's not about past..everything is fresh. What is it trying to tell? It all remains unknown...haha..we'll see..

-Ys-
I shall continue my search for that melody..
will I ever stumble upon the same tune one day in the future?
God knows =)