Down

It is Hard to admit, but I am feeling down, really down this begining of the month October.

Has it finally approached a new phase for me to change? May all end well.

-Ys-

I don't want it to repeat

The exact scene happened 1 year ago repeats itself like a tape recording. But only one thing is changed, your heart.

My intentions is true, pure and really hopes to make things work out so that the history will not repeat itself, for this might really be my 2nd and last chance. Opportunity doesn't comes all the time. However, the change is too much for me to endure. Every problems seem to be similar but clearly, inner side changed. All I am now is just a float, to keep you from drowning.


This feeling of stupidity and being used is too much to bear. Everytime I will be thinking whether all my sacrifice will have it's worth. But heck, I drifted away from the main objective: To stop history from repeating itself.


Maybe it's just me, failing one time after another. I do not trust fate, i only believe it was my inability to make things right when I am the one responsible to make things work out.

But to make all things difficult, you changed. At the same time, I never changed, still that stupid childish. immatured, egoistic bastard who is just a super tears-inducing-machine.
One time after another, I just make you go psycho.


I am ashamed, frustrated and tired. No where to spread all these craps. Purely just me, hoping you can cope it yourself this time round and I will leave you alone. Please, I beg you, I pray for you, get over this obstacle and stop the history from repeating. Do this for yourself, not others. I shall just step aside since I only make things worse.

Old Musics are still the BEST

Old musics doesn't mean musics from back in the 70's, cause I wasn't even born during that time.


Old musics in my definition are musics that I grew up with, while I was younger.
Listening back brings along not just joy emotionally, but also fantastic memories.

How I knew about the artistes, when do I listen to them, how these musics helped me out emotionally during the hardest times.


These intangible tunes are the invisible force that carried me forward when there is just me alone facing the crazy world.


They have so much meaning compared to the new musics nowadays. Listening back to old musics is definitely a candy in bitter times.


So tonight, I dug out all the old bands and artistes' songs. Blasted them full volume.
Gonna share some of my personal fav's

The All-American Rejects
Where the hell did you guys went?!?



Jay Chou
His old album of course...



Blink 182
what else can I say? =)

We The Kings
always the kings

Avril Lavigne
for some reason, I love the old style more


5566
Disbanded Taiwanese band


Hey Monday
candles


My Chemical Romance
taught me how to carry on.

The OLD Lee Hom



Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
face down.


Boys Like Girls
A group I need to commend
never fail to drag me out of difficult moments!
-Love Drunk- :p


All Time Low
One of my all time Favourite band
Knew them even before they became famous
taught me about living life as a superstar
Give no damn to others,
do what you want. We only live once.


Simple Plan
taught me how to keep things simple
Perfect.

Obviously, my taste when I was back in the younger time was mostly pop rock.
Needless to say, They made me rocking my life of course. Thanks for the musics.

So, do you recall your old favourite songs
you used to listen to when you were still in school uniforms??




-Ys-

Curtains are closing for 2011

I will not do a conclusion for 2011 yet as the year has not end yet.
Still, I had a great time, so far. =]


Christmas is just around the corner boys and girls? What are your plans? Any idea how to spend this final moments of the year with your special somebody? (if you have one of course, OF COURSE YOU HAVE ONE!! Who lives in a world with no special somebody? That's odd)

Well, this year. It seems to me that it will be super special cause
I'VE GOT NO PLANS
Guess I will just let it pass with super-peacefulness, gazing out to the white snow of MotherLand Russia.

Plus, exam is just right after the festival.
However, New Year 2012 will be extreme special (ain't joking bout this one)
I am gonna celebrate this one at the place no one could guess it right. Even I myself never thought that I will actually be at that place at the exact moment. Awesome.





Another White Christmas I know, as I wished for Christmas 2008. God's been really good to me. So I wouldn't complain much this year.

But for now, I have to focus on the exam next week. That's all in my mind now. Then, I will just accept the coming of 2012 with open arms.



So, what if you are not the Christmas kind of girl/guy. What do you wish to accomplish before year 2011 comes to an end?

-Ys-

Renew-ed

A new semester has begun. Looks like I am about to officially enter 3rd year Medical Student's Life.

Also, soon I will turn 20. I am blessed to be able to live up to these 2 decades and pray for more awesomeness in future. I really enjoyed my journey so far, my one and only life. I really had the time of my life in these 20 years, thanks to family, friends and everyone who walked into my life and left their footprints.

10 years later, what will I become? How many 10 years do we have?

Stepping out of teenager's life soon. Time for a change, renewed Yu Shaun.

-Ys-

Remember When

Speaking of self-reflecting, I think I really should divert my focus away from studies today and quit whining on Biochemistry all-day-long. WTH, I think I just did it again!! ok, just stop.


Today, I came upon this very video today and found it to be extremely enthralling.




Perfect video for self-reflecting moments =) Just fell in love with the country-genre song I just discovered - Remember When by Alan Jackson.

This video moved me, and I hope it moved you too. A very fascinating combination of song and video at the same time. I kinda forget about the movie 'Up' I watched 2 years ago until I saw this video. It just moved me again..




Firstly, it touches love. This is like the ideal marriage life I would ask for. Wow, speaking of mediocrity. Yeah, I am indeed quite simple in asking for an ideal wife, accepting who I am, love me and willing to spend the rest of her life with me :)


Here's one fact about Shaun: he always speak about LengLuis but actually, he just TALKS BIG LOL one very berry bad habit :p I ain't really interested into going All-out like some paparazzi like I think I always describe myself as one, just ain't me. I did crazy things years ago but I find myself very amusing back then. Well, I just not really into any random chics I see, just like that. I am a guy after all, they just caught my attention, but that's it!! LOL


Of course, I'll be as loving as Carl~ (awww...what a liar!!) I'm actually pretty serious in what I said!! Nothing beats a peaceful, loving marriage with so much toleration and forgiveness. By the way, sharing the same common dream is a big plus point too, at least we can help each other to achieve it and nothing can beat the fact that we can share our joy together...and just grow old together, that's just life :)


Ok, let's put myself into Carl's shoes when knowing my wife can't give birth to a child..like Ellie. What will my reaction be?? For most, we would've divorced her and find another wife!! But he didn't, he stayed by her side till old age. That is what true love is all about..that is what I am truly searching. And the reason why I really don't fool myself into getting involve into any relationship that I think wouldn't last long.. That is why this big boy here still single!! For all my past histories, I really mean it to last. It is always not me to put a full-stop to every of it!! Hello~~cry of a victim here

So, babies or no babies..I really don't give a damn about all these things actually as long as she really matters to me. I would prefer to think this way - be happy with what we are given and just live the fullest out of it.


Aiming high, achieving dreams, striving for accomplishments..But it all boils down to this, we grow old one day, all of us. All great people end up in a way the same way, no matter how powerful they were, how smart they were, how rich they once were, they just can't escape death.
Being high-spirited, drafting out great goals, planning to take on your big dreams when you are young.. Will that very dream of yours fade and lost as time passes on? I am still consider myself young, I have wild dreams, unachievable ones waiting to be made possible. 40 years later, will I still hold onto it? I cannot guarantee.

In the vid, Carl and Ellie share BIG dreams as adventurers, but they were both tied up to their everyday-lives after they reached adulthood and the dream they both shared while they were young faded and only became mere painting on the wall!!



They lose control on their own lives, to live like most of the people out there who are considered "normal way to live". Work work work, pay bills, pay loans, taxes, groceries, and all other materialistic things On daily basis, there is no doubt most of the time are spent on work, earning big paychecks, purchasing things, live on the rest of the days like the others. And till the time they retire, they realized they have lose that much time..

We only live once, we should all be clear on what we hunger most. Burn the spirit to achieve it one day, don't let it put off. When you have to challenge the norm (like Carl pumping thousands of balloons to make his house a huge floating ship LOL!!), just go for it. Don't wait. We only live this very one life.


Close your eyes, reflect. What meant the most once to you. When you were young then, high-spirited. What did you left behind? What dreams you put off? Be truthful and may the light guides you.




I shall do some yoga and clear up more rubbish in my head tomorrow..1am now. Enough crapping :) goodnight.

A life lived that matters
Is not of circumstance
But of Choice

-Ys-

Clear My Mind

I think I am suffering from mental fatigue. In a way that I can't seem to be clear of my goals, my paths, my focus. I am drifting apart recently, I am "out-of-form".. sadly


To make things more 'challenging', I have to face the fact that I have to deal with this Alone again!
Basically, no one is there for me most of the time and I am pretty much used to it already. Standing strong still but lose focus. So, I dug out some time to crap some of my crappy mind's thought into this crappy blog so that my mind is no more so crappy and then I can get back on focus!! :p



Progression of my studies delayed despite having quite adequate amount of time to recall all materials. Yet, the study load and a lot of external factors got into me. I literally wasted 2 days non-progression, only upsetting myself, getting down and depressed.




I very much hope this song could save my life, but at least it did cheered me up a little.
You know what I learn the most out of this tough life in Russia? -Independent (like never before)

I was like in training to really live my own life and shape myself up on my own. No family, no lover or friends or teachers who are into the picture of my art. I am quite impressed with what I did to myself so far..(not now definitely LOL) I changed my habits, and gain more control to myself. But the big picture of being who I am in my Ideal Me is still far from reach, but I'll get there some day, promised.


Ok, I know am being a narcissist to praise myself.. But it's all about self-reflecting moments right here right now. There are still a lot of place of improvements for me, I have still a hill of evil habits yet to be overcome yet! And still struggling to.. On the funny side, I think I am just too free to challenge myself nowadays xD oops, but not now, Biochemistry surely occupy most of my time now, in which I hate that I have to get my butt on the chair for hours!! ohh...maybe that explains why I am being so messed up..I am LOCKED to my damn chair!!!!! Maybe I should try standing while studying tomorrow...haha




Speaking of exams, some course-mates who are rushing back home (Malaysia) are done with exams already!! I mean DONE!!! They cramped all exams forward and now they are free..How I wish I were them, no need to stress out long long time just for one exam like now. Better done early, free myself early. I envy them much though =) How I wish I were them.. But seems like I have to stick around in Nizhny for awhile longer and await the bigger picture ahead.


I sure will miss all dear ones at home though. See you all next year kays :))

-Ys-

Finals

Truthfully speaking, Biochemistry is killing me softly and gruesomely. A week more time to prepare for the last game, but the pressure is hitting on me already.

1) I pretty much hate memorizing chemical reactions / equations
2) The Kreb's cylcle, Pentose Cycle, and all what-ever-cycles are making my head go dizzzzzzzy
3) The duration of preparing this exam is a little too long till I feel like that day is so unreachable, imagine yourself suffering everyday just for that day to come, it's killing me -.-



7 days more, Free I will be.
7 days more, I can divert my focus on something else more enjoyable, at least.
7 days more, I will be officially 3rd year medical student.

Wish me all the best ;)

-Ys-