Buried

I MiSS my room. Finally got back into my room after being 'tortured' in another hostel last night. But I guessed I am the one torturing them after all, hopefully they don't get offended with my stubbornness. Still, thanks for the company. Nowhere's more comfortable than my own bed. Too comfortable. Till I can't help but always fall into another illutionized world called - dream. Yesterday's a special one.



And there I was.. a very strangely familiar place. Everything is black and white. Sometimes I kept wondering, is there color in dreamland? or it's just dull black and white.. The scenario is sad. I had an unusual sorrow feeling which cycles within me. I was back in my uniform..It seemed like it took place back so long time ago. Everyone looked so young..so cute and yet so naive. They smiled at me, and as I was about to just smile and greet them, the time went forward so fast, I can only see familiar images being fast-forwarded.. Like watching videos in fast-forward mode.

Those were my fragments of memories. Flashing briefly upon me, all I can do is just watch. Those nostalgic moments..a mixture of feelings - fun, joy, sorrow, touched, angry, excited, you name it as I can't really make up what I feel back then.

Soon, it all came to a pause. Again, this similar scene. I was standing under this tree like a stoned-man, like a man who had no idea what he is doing. I recognized my mark on that tree. It's a cloudy day, same like that exact day before. The greenery looks unchanged. I saw those happy children playing see-saw and swings again. I can still hear their laughter. Everything looks so familiar. I looked down, I saw that box again. An undelivered gift.


I once again feel the sorrow. Wondering, why is it being unearthed ?? It is yet another fragment of past which I wish to hide from everyone else and forget about it. I used both of my hands, place that box into the hole which is already there in the ground, and cover the hole up. Tapping softly onto the ground, hoping to remove all traces showing that there is something being buried at this spot.

The sadness is so strong, I burst up in tears again. I made no voice, but the tears just kept flowing unwillingly. Tears are words the heart can't express. I cried silently. Laid my back on that tree and sat under the shade, but sniffing with tears. In my dreams too, i had flashbacks. I closed my eyes and think back. I did so many things in silence. No one knew. I acted like I did not care when I actually cared so much, felt so stupid about it. I don't really know how to express myself, to others. Time went back-forward, I saw the scenes of all the first times, how happy those times were, and how bitter is it now. And then, I will feel how useless I am, how weak and incapable. No wonder I don't deserve that box of memories. Thus, I buried it and thought that I can get over it. I want to forget all those things.



It is just something I tried to hide and forget. But sometimes, those things will just pop out in my mind from nowhere. So, it proves that things you tried hard to forget, will actually haunt you back more often.


You will gain something when you lose one thing. I wouldn't be where I am today, what I am today if I never tried to lose that one thing. I know people around me kept saying, Shaun is always being secretive, for instance, those fellas sure reminded me about this yesterday. Yes I am. It's in my nature. I feel more secure keeping it only to myself, I don't share my sorrow. If I really do, that person is really lucky or special. That may be my weakness but it was already there, my birth is already a mistake if I spend my whole life to correct. So, sorry if I wasn't able to open up or feeling that I am hiding something. From my point of view, I feel that it is needless to dig up the past. Let's just let it be there, like that box being buried from everyone's sight. Whether it is good or bad, glorious moment or rotten moment, let it be aside. I care more about the future. Don't bother how I was like before, but now.


I am optimistic about things. I may look like I hate, don't bother but sometimes I feel otherwise. It came over naturally, not under purpose. I may hate you now but at most occasions tomorrow I don't. I can get along and get over things easily. I can really forgive and forget, inside. If I REALLY hate you, don't expect me to smile at you and treat you like nicely cause you are blacklisted, but seriously - there are not even 10 ppl who fell into this category. Am I living with a mask on? You ask this question back to yourself - that's my answer.




I described this dream out,
Because no one can actually remember what they dreamt of after waking up,

This one is a special one,
Because it's still playing in my mind right now...

Undeniably, that dream is fading the moment I am trying to recall,
so I decided to put them down into words before I forget them all.

-Ys-

It's just a dream,
but it's also flashback of sad memoirs

Snow Melts

It's going to be a one week break as Flu Epidemic found its way up to Russia. I
n short, QUARANTINED!!

It sure brings back similar memories back in INTEC when we got our very last minute notice about the sudden 'holiday' news...miss the life back in INTEC although it's just short 3 months period of time. Many funny things happened in that 3 months time, unforgettable ones. Wonder how the other courses' students are doing?? Especially the Korean students. lol


Now I suppose it's the time to rest up after all the daily hectic. I kinda get used with this kind of life already. It's different from before. During the past 6 months, I have no goals, no aim, no target to head to. Instead, I was just fooling my time off with numerous parties and outings. I guess that half a year time was my longest holiday in my life!! Currently, at least, I got tons of books piled up before me and exams 'zachuts' coming one after another. Time flies incredibly fast when you keep yourself busy - that's very true. I've been here 2 months already...ohmygawsh...couldn't believe it. For a moment I felt like I set foot on this land just one week ago..

------------------------------------------------

I finally went online once again after appearing offline for so long. As expected, I spent my whole evening chatting with my dear friends and family which I missed so much!! Another theory proven - when you are too free, you tend to think through a lot of things in your mind, and you will start missing every moments before. Man, I sure start to miss all of you in Malaysia after chatting with you all yesterday!!


Grabbing that opportunity, we spoken through so many topics. From what's going on in Malaysia, Namewee's latest controversy with TNB, to every single scandals going on among my friends. One friend of mine who rang the bell of my past spoke to me about 'decision on what course to take'.. and I told her exactly what happened to me. How I cracked my head thinking about my future, my interest, my dreams.. taking into accounts on the cost, the future job oppurtunities and all...I sure understand that those are the most difficult decision to make in everyone's entire 18 years =]

Sooner or later things just fell into place eventually and I just proceed on. We spoken about sacrifices and stuffs like that..well, is there any good things out there which doesn't need sacrifices?? No one had any idea how much I had sacrificed and there is no point letting anyone know about it..I just think back about it from time to time =)


Speaking about scandals, I even had a shock of my life when I heard about scandal of one member of the animal gang from 'dungku'..lol.. I can't help but kept my mouth and eyes wide open when I heard about it, plus I can't stop laughing xD
Some dude who kept asking me about how to court girl long time ago really managed to get a gf now. Looks like I am the last to know again this time. Dungku even agreed with me, love is B-L-I-N-D!!! Haha.. Seriously, I really really should wonder myself why I still haven't got a girlfriend?? lolx.. Am I being too choosy? Not good enough? Because of my parents?(mum, I know you are reading this..your son isn't desperate k..I know you don't want me to get into any relationship yet) or just fated to be a bachelor after all?? Too much free time made me wonder about unnecessary thoughts. In conclusion, I still don't even know why. Perhaps, not good enough after all, kena bertaubat sikit xD


But there is one thing which I personally agreed on all the while,
"Doesn’t matter how long the love lasts. You’ll be contented once you know you were in love before."


After all the conversations, I bet I start to miss you guys once again although I admit that I made the least effort to get to every single one of you in these 2 months. I really can't find a suitable time to get to you...although I really wanted to. 'Sorry' seems to be not enough to clear my guilt. I hope you all understand.. I do miss every single one of you. Please understand that guys are not so good in expressing their feelings =P

-------------------------------------------

Snow started to melt here. The scenery is like moving back to Autumn. How much I wished that time can also move back to secondary school period. Though I have been here for 2 months already, I still admire the scenery here very much..it's just beautiful. No, winter haven't end. This week is just a warmer week, that's why the snow is melting. Soon there will be snow again.

Wow...what a long essay I had just wrote again. I guess that's all for now. I gonna complete all my hometasks and continue resting my days through (surely don't get this kind of opportunity often-to sleep) Later, prepare for ligaments exam and catch up on all chemistry lecture topics.


Here's a couple of pictures which takes 15 minutes to upload....suffering slow connection here, that's the reason I seldom upload pictures in blog nowadays.

-Us-


Posing with my first ever Snowman!!
-No critics pls..I know it's ugly- haha..

One of the many pix in 'Opera House'

Lastly, mad guy laughing =P

-Ys-
~I survived Russia for 2months and still counting~

Sorry Sorry

3.35am- Russia Time


Suddenly feel like updating my DEAD blog.. I don't know why!!!!?? seriously..especially in the middle of the night like this..3am!!!

I have sweat all over my body while writing this blog.. Guess what I just did?? I was busy learning Sorry Sorry dance moves from Suju via YOUTUBE!!!! Guess what I am going to do next?? I have to 'teach' those performers the dance moves later..bak kata pepatah "bagai AYAM mengajar ITIK berenang!!!" Ape nak buat, all tak tau how to dance... LOL....I can't believe it XD I was dancing in front of the laptop in my room while my roommate is busy 'sleeping' Hahahahaha!!!

Today is a public holiday for Nizhny Novgorod, so no class today. But tomorrow, there will be Biology practical class at 8.30am.. I have to wake at 7am...and yet, I still haven't prepare for practical but dance till 3.. I am really laughing hard thinking of what I just did xD


THANK YOU MSA for putting me in-charge on ALL CHINESE PERFORMANCES.. you guys really gave me a hard time choreographing moves and handling the 'chineses' -.- If I wasn't in charge, perhaps I will be sleeping soundly right now with somebody else taking up my job.. Right now, I start to feel like a MCA Taiko here but I don't wanna be taiko laaaaaa.. let me be mini askar plssssssss T.T Anyone wanna take over MCA pls come forward...this Tan Sri here mau retire!!! =P

Maybe you guys will think what SORRY SORRY have to do with Chinese performance.

1. It's all because SENIORS IN NIZHNY LOVE KOREAN ARTISTES!! (beats me...I have no idea why....) Their top favourite will be SNSD. Even guys know how to dance GEE GEE..imagine that.. -.- Too bad Seniors already chose to perform Gee Gee..so we have to dance sorry sorry.
2. Initially planned to perform Martial Arts 'Kung Fu' Dance. But 4 minutes is too lengthy and DIFFICULT for a bunch of newbies who don't know Kung Fu!! So, we will dance 2 minutes Kung Fu and then combine with a part of Sorry Sorry....I thought that Sorry Sorry will be easy, but it turns out that-to dance EXACTLY like them is FRIGGIN' DIFFICULT!! Somebody pls HELP!!! x.x (starts to feel that sorry sorry is a wrong choice..lol)

Ok la... 4am dy.. No time to prepare for practical now. Jom Tidor laaa!!! Ishhh....I shouldn't slept so much in the afternoon....Then I wouldn't be so energetic to dance in the middle of the night!!!

SORRY SORRY pls don't haunt me in my dreams..I don't wanna dance in my dream as well. Thank you.

~I just want a simple & peaceful life here =)~
-Ys-

Update??

I haven't blog for quite some time I know.. I am sorry k =P

This post won't be much update for now, just summarizing everything that happened so far cause I am still busy coping my life here.

To my dear readers, YuShaun had safely arrived in Nizhny Novgorod, Russia!!! (I know it's kinda late to say this though..haha)

So, it has been a month since I last got here. Life here is great! I am not kidding. It's pretty fascinating to see all beautiful structures here and the nicely-crafted statues. Not forgetting the beauty of the Nature here, which is very unlikely to find such fantastic beau' of nature in city like KL in Malaysia nowadays =) In other words, I don't really have to worry of not getting nice views for my pictures here. Every angle of this part of city is a beauty! Oh speaking of beauty, the 'rumors' are true, the Russian girls here are very very pretty.. How do I know this?? I am stuffing myself in the bus everyday k.. and everyday has no disappointment in checking out pretty lads. LOL


And how about studies? So far so good I can say. After more than a year of 'no-studying', I guess now is the time to start working hard again to achieve my dream. Anyway, procrastination is getting in my way nowadays. Have to constantly remind myself of stop procrastinating and work hard, hard and hard. A lot of coincidence is happening to me currently. It is fate?? Am I really fated to be here after all? Feel like having a dejavu being in this place xD

I was being assigned into Group C in this academy, with Mr. Prakash as my teammate. This is one of the BiG coincidence happening to me, this 'neighbor' of mine in INTEC has followed me all the way here!! Eric as my roommate too...who would have thought of that!?

My group of 6 medical students, including myself, are all Malaysian students. 1 JPA student-me, 1 Mindef, 3 MARA and 1 private student. Initially, there is a Maldives student in my group, Nabila, but she changed her group to join her Maldives friend. Kinda sad, but what can be done? My group members are speaking Malay most of the time!! Pity Nabila for not understanding. It's a pretty warm group as we really look after each other, cook for each other, and we always travel in a group no matter where we go.

I am also blessed to have most of my teachers to be 'Head of Departments'..thus, most of them are also my lecturers. Some of them might not speak clear English, but all of them sure are 'Huge Character' with many legends go behind them.. Don't believe? come discover for yourself in my University. Most difficult subject- ANATOMY. Now studying skull bones, gotta memorise every part of the bones in both latin and English..this is already a killer. Most feared subject-Latin. Everyone in this academy knows why.. Haha.. I have to retake my Latin first test after pronouncing 'skeleton' in latin wrongly.. Just one word yo =.=


The people here are quite okay.. the only barrier of communication between us and the Russians is the Language Barrier..maybe only for the time being, just wait till I brush up my Russian Language. One thing good about this place is that the seniors here are very helpful, from 2nd year till even 6th years. They really did a lot of job keeping us juniors get used to this place during this one month stay. We really bugged them a lot during this period and the seniors really gave out their helping hand without hesitation. I really appreciate all the things they had done. Without them, perhaps I wouldn't be calling this place home. They are just like guardians or parents to us. LOL.. oh Yea, we Malaysians are really like one big family =)

Besides, I would also like to bring attention to all of you that I FINALLY started uploading pictures in Facebook!! Thanks to those who kept pressuring me to upload pictures~~~~you know who you are~~~~
Actually I would like to blog them out, but there are just TOO MANY pictures and I have no time for them...blogspot also takes long time to upload pictures. So, if you wanna see pictures, ranging from my one week trips in Malaysia until my current life in Russia.

About genting photos, I already uploaded them. Genting kakis, you all tag yourself lah.. I tarak masa larr =P

About Cameron trip, I would really love to blog them out, but time is limited. Perhaps I will find time on weekends maybe?? But maybe not this week..Next Monday Anatomy Zachut 0.0""" omg..
Wanna read something about the Cameron trips do kindly hop to these 2 blogger's blog. They really did a great job blogging about the trip than I am.

1. Calwin's blog
2. Onz's blog

To think about it, I STILL COULDN'T BELIEVE THAT I AM NOW IN RUSSIA, 6000MILES AWAY FROM HOME!!!!! Things are happening too fast until I can't really see them clearly. I can also laugh at myself in the mirror thinking of it, how can this be a reality? This is what I wished for, to be able to do whatever I want and live alone. Yes, I have to do my own laundry now and cook every meal!!! =.= I also couldn't believe that I am cooking so often nowadays....but so far, my cooking skill is not too bad for a first timer =D



I guess that's all for today. I have to rush my preparation for tomorrow's practical class... looks like I am going to sleep 2am again tonight. Ouch!!

-Ys-

I'm Officially 18!!

The long awaited day has finally come, 23rd September~~~!!!!


Let's kick off this post with some craps..
Once upon a time, 18 years ago on this very day, a 'Hero' was born in this planet called Earth =P Just like how I put up in my last year post... hahax!!

Alright, this post will be a different one. I can still remember how my 17th birthday was like.
Last year, I was still busy struggling to prepare myself for SPM trials on this day. And then, there goes the wishes ringing from my Nokia N79 =) throughout the whole midnight while I was burning my midnight oil.. How touched I was then cause I thought everybody will just concentrate on the trials.

Likewise, the situation is almost the same as last year. Firstly, I would like to apologize to certain party who planned to do a countdown for me in MSN.. I couldn't make it due to insufficient time to pack up my stuffs and I was out till late at night yesterday. Thus, I was rushing things into my luggage and it kept on overweight -.-" total frustration.. How much I wished that we are allowed to carry 30kg instead of 20kg for check-in luggage..

Last year, I burnt midnight oil for Trials. This year, I burnt midnight oil for Packing up to fly off tonight.. Cute right?? Or you can call it weird yet funny - coincidence. How freaking weird is it that the date I will be leaving Malaysia for 6 years is exactly on my 18th Birthday (supposedly to be my official age to do lots of things I wasn't allowed to do before this in Malaysia xD)

Dear friends,
Hereby, I would like to send my greatest gratitude to all of you for the wishes last midnight!! You guys were there when I was frustrated and having mixed emotions packing up for tomorrow's flight.. Thinking what's ahead of me excites me, on the other hand also begins to freak me out. Thank you to all of you for keeping my handphone ringing non-stop every hour till now!! For once I love the 'annoying' message ringtone =P exactly just like last year.... and the number of wishes in my facebook page also touched me.. friends, you guys already touched my heart. Thanks a lot for spamming my facebook page too..LOL

Maybe some of you still doesn't know what's going on tonight. Let me once again let you know this,

Tonight, 11.30pm
Shaun will be flying off to RUSSIA
to pursue Medical course
Under JPA scholarship

Yes, on my birthday itself, my 18th!!! Who would have thought of that.... actually, there are many more coincidence happening...even the day I graduated from INTEC was close to my sis Birthday..haha



For once in my life, I guess, I feel very very Patriotic to my beloved country- Malaysia.. Cause you got no idea how much I wished to stay here longer!! How much I miss my family and friends here.. How much I will miss all the trips, outings, parties, star-gazing, gossiping I used to have with all of you.. I promise I shall keep all those memories in my heart even though one day I might became so old till I can't even forget my own name..lolx


Friends, I might love you so much,
but at the same time I also hate you guys a lot!!!
Why?? cause all of you are pampering me too much, pulling me backwards to stay in Malaysia instead of going.. I am still having dilemma here k..
but guess I have no other choice but to just GO..




Year 2009... a very special Birthday that I will never forget in my entire life.
Today, I will celebrate my official 18th
Today, I will celebrate the longest birthday so far as I am traveling to a different time zone =P
Today, I will have to leave my comfort zone - my home
Today, I will have to say goodbye to all my good ones here
Today, I will leave my country to a totally new place thousand miles away from where I am now
Today, I will have to learn to be on my own without relying much on others

Starting from today onwards, I will be leading a New Life.

I also celebrated my early birthday will all my family members not long ago. I made 3 wishes.
One for my family
One for my friends here
One for myself =)
Hopefully all of them come true one day yeah... after all, my wishlist always come true =D



I am very delighted to receive all your blessings, mum, dad, sis, uncles, aunts, cousins, friends, Victorian brothers, all my 'gangs', primary schoolmates, INTEC mates, childhood buddies, 'girl-friends' and 'heng dais'... I will remind myself not to change when I come back k.. Hopefully... even if I were to change, I should change to be more handsome by then.. hehe

My heart hurts when I continue typing this.. I miss every moment I spent in Malaysia. Didn't expect to be homesick so soon!!! argghhh.... Messages keep coming T.T

Dear ones, Shaun will remember every moment he spent here and will never forget those who shared their moments with him too.. Besides, he will always mesmerize the old times by looking at the old pictures he took with his dear ones. He only wish that he actually mean something to you all and not just a shadow flying past your sight and then be forgotten.. He sincerely apologize if he had done anything wrong during these 18 years, hurt anyone's heart or anything. No hard feelings k? Shaun loves you all.


10 more hours to go.. Didn't expect this day to come that fast. GOD, I begged you to slow down the time didn't I T.T

Sorry to those who I am unable to spend my last moment with before I leave.

Some people don't feel like leaving due to hardships,
Some people don't feel like leaving due to difficulty to be independence,
Some people don't feel like leaving due to girlfriends,
I don't feel like leaving due to people I care for in Malaysia. Who? You.

I don't need any presents,
I don't need anyone to send me off,
I don't need any farewells,
I don't need any of your presence before I leave..
All I need is your blessings, if you have the heart.
That's all I need for my 18th birthday.


I realized...
I already possessed the Best present I can ever wished for - My Dearest Friends and Family

Lastly,

~HaPPy 18th Birthday To Me~

-Ys-
Elton John says - "sorry" seems to be the hardest word,
I say - "goodbye " seems to be the hardest word...
sayonara

LOL 2 (18+ only)

Fantastic and hilarious dance show
put up by 4 Swedish guy
in a
Talent Show!!


This show is strictly not for minors!!! (cuz I spot exposure of 'bulu' at one part)

Ladies...drool silently cause they really are hot and GOT BALLS

Gentlemen.....admire they 'gayness' bravery on stage

Boys Like Girls new album-Love Drunk is out tmr!=D
~Their songs suit best my mood now

-Ys-

Life Is Like A Roller-Coaster

Some say life is like a box of chocolates, while others may say life is like a box of rattlesnakes. Some say life is like a short candle, so brief that it only lights up for a moment and then dies off. Those who appreciate life say life is great, whereas those who are fed up with life say life sucks.

If you ask me, I would say life is like a roller coaster.

There was once I queued up for a roller coaster ride at a theme park with my bunch of friends. While waiting in line, I was thinking about some of the similarities between life and a roller coaster ride. At first, I was just trying to kill time. But come to think of it, there are so many things to relate life to a roller coaster ride. What crosses your mind when you are being questioned about ‘what you think of life?’ Some would simply say life is great, and some would say life is suffering or even torture. In other words, life has its ups and downs just like a roller coaster ride. Sometimes you feel happy, other times you feel sad or even mad. Well, that’s one part of life that cannot be missed by anyone. Besides, no roller coaster ride exists that will only have ups all the while without any downs.

Likewise, both roller coaster and life can be exciting experiences and you never know what you will be facing next. In the ride, it doesn’t really matter if you sit in the front or the back — everyone has a similar experience. Both can be fun one minute and terrifying the next. This is because you will never know how many twists and turns lie ahead of your journey. At one moment you will be having all the fun and suddenly you will be terrified next. In life, it’s always a different thrill each day. All of us will go through thick and thin in life.




Some scream, some shout, others cry and yet others laugh. But it doesn’t matter at all actually. No matter how hard this ride seems to be, all you have to do is to get through it and have faith in yourself! All of us have to be positive and not be afraid to continue the journey as we only get the chance to live once, not more than that.

Another similarity is that both require participation – watching just isn’t the same.

In life, we always have to be courageous. Before you ride on the roller coaster, first of all you surely need to have the guts and determination to finish the ride. Moreover, you will have to be fully prepared for the extreme speed, sharp turnings and 360 degrees twists which may even cause you to pee in your pants or worse suffer a heart attack. However, if one only chooses to watch and not to ride, he might end up losing the opportunity to take on a ride which could turn out to be the most fantastic experience in his whole life. Life is like a roller coaster - fast, fun, and potentially dangerous. We should be brave to overcome it all. Remember, it is better to be a lion for a day than a sheep all your life. Also, it is not for the weak at heart and this tells us to take care of our health in order to be able to survive the ride.

Life is not only all about our own selves. At most of the time, we have to share our feelings and thoughts with another. No one in this world can or should ever live alone, everyone needs friends or a companion to accompany them some time in their life. If a person remains solitary and chooses not to share, his life will be dull, colourless and boring. Prolonged solitude eventually leads to insanity! This is also no different with a roller coaster ride; it is definitely more fun to ride with friends or even strangers, compared to riding it alone. It is surely more fun to share the excitement with someone close to you than keep feelings within yourself. So to have someone holding your hand high up when you are having fun or close to their hearts when it becomes frightening is very reassuring indeed. Like the wise man once said, “sharing is caring”.

Before I took the ride, the notice board at the entrance which listed down all the rules for our safety while riding the roller coaster caught my eye. Most certainly, in our life we must also abide to the rules and regulations to ensure our survival. In addition, rollercoaster rides come in many shapes, designs, and colors. In short, we get to choose our rides from easy, safe, gentle ones to exciting, dangerously fast ones or you might find something in between – so it is with life, we make our own choices on setting the pace.

Sadly, both roller coaster rides and life go by too fast and don’t last long enough. In a blink of an eye, the ride is over despite all ups and downs along the journey. Thus, it is very important to appreciate everything in life as life is really brief. In a short while, it will be over before you even know it.

You never know where destiny might lead you to. Life is about exploration and it is bound to be an unforgettable experience and so too with a roller coaster ride. But fear not and don’t lose faith because if you follow the track, it will eventually bring you home. So do not frown and do not sigh. We should just smile and bravely face the sunshine because even though it’s like living a bit on the edge with many potential dangers, we should constantly remind ourselves – that’s being ALIVE.

So, isn’t life just like a roller coaster? Are you ready for the ride of your LIFE? Do I hear a resounding “YES”?

-Ys-

LOL

Seriously...
I think we should not underestimate Malaysian's Film Production. LOL!

-Ys-