This world is just like a stage for actors.. Being an actor, Sometimes I feel so difficult trying to pretend something I wasn't. Maybe I don't belong to this world?
Lately I found out that I have 2 sides in me, one side is shy, cool and solitary like the old me and another side is a happy-go-lucky, tough and outgoing me. But, I actually belongs to the cold side...how many knows about this? no one. Maybe I should call this double personality. Pretending to be a tough guy is very hard, cause I know I am not. At times, I feel like breaking down but the fake side of me stops me from doing so..
The reason this new side of mine came into reality is due to numerous regrets and hurtful events that haunt me in the past. I thought that a change in me will make things better, but I was wrong, I am exhausted now. People around me thought that I was what I nicknamed myself -"ironman" without realising the fragile side of mine. I wonder how many of the people around me masked themselves with another personality? I admit it, I am not as tough as you all think, I am weak. A weakling who hates himself so much for not able to control his own life, not able to show true self, and not able to show my love to my loved ones..a weakling who gave up all his chances.
Looking back, I see many faint memories flashing through my head..I start to realise that I have been acting for so long. Year 2008 is ending, maybe now's the time to let go..
Why am I posting this?! Just leave me alone..
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